Worth Pursuing Read online

  I quickly pulled out the other two objects from his pocket, one of which was my purse, the other a small leather-bound notebook. I put the notebook down without giving it a second glance and opened my purse, finding to my relief that my cards and cash were still inside. I stared across at the figure in the bed. He’d robbed me! He’d stolen my things himself, and then pretended to go and look for them. I was so angry I almost went over and shouted at him, but I stopped myself. If he had done that, who knew what he was capable of? I began to feel afraid, and I wished like hell I’d never come back here with him. I glanced down at myself, at his t-shirt that I was wearing. Maybe I could leave wearing that? My cheeks started to burn at the mere idea of it. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. Having to go home wearing last night’s dress wasn’t ideal, but it was infinitely preferable to Jay’s t-shirt. I looked down at my belongings in my hands. I couldn’t believe he’d taken them. Why? Had he thought it would make it more likely I’d go home with him? Had it made it more likely? I picked up my evening bag and put my things in it. It was time to go. I wouldn’t confront him about any of it. I wouldn’t say I’d found my things. I’d just ask him for my dress and go home. I took a step towards him and my eyes fell on the little notebook.

  He writes them all down. In a little diary.

  THREE AND A HALF HOURS AGO

  I went out like a light. The last drinks I’d had before we left seemed to catch up with me all at once, and I fell into a thick, deep sleep the second I got into Jay’s bed. I was aware at some point, I’m not sure how much later, that Jay still seemed to be awake and the light was on. I think I slurred something to him before dropping off again, and he whispered something back to me. It was impossible to be sure, perhaps the whole thing was a confusing dream, but it certainly sounded like he’d said, ‘that’s right, Beth. Go back to sleep. I’ve got things to do.’

  …

  Name: Lucy

  Appearance: + natural blonde, + nice teeth, – face not like Sammie’s, body not like Sammie’s.

  Background: No plus points. Too much friends and family.

  In bed: Pretty crap.

  Verdict: Total waste of time.

  Name: Tara

  Appearance: –not a natural blonde, +body like Sammie’s, stunning long legs. –Weird tits.

  Background: + just split up with long term boyfriend, seemed pretty cut up about it.

  In bed: Could tell she was thinking about her ex, her heart wasn’t in it.

  Verdict: better, but nowhere near my Sammie.

  Name: Jade

  Appearance: +natural blonde, +pale blue eyes, –too fat.

  Background: +home life sounds like a car crash. Obviously likes to drink. Maybe a bit too much.

  In bed: surprisingly good

  Verdict: Still not good enough.

  There were pages and pages of it. I flipped through in disgust, my eyes catching odd words here and there from his notes about these women and his encounters with them. As time went on the descriptions of what they did in bed became more explicit– practically pornographic, and his notes were littered with him calling the women names. All through the book he judged these women by the same categories. He seemed to be obsessed with blondes, and compared every aspect of their appearance to "Sammie", who apart from the fact that she must be blonde, I could understand very little about. He favoured women who were isolated or distressed in some way, delighting in those who were lonely or hurting, though his verdict was nearly always some variation on "no". In fact, after one woman he was clearly driven to the point of despair and had written NOONE IS LIKE SAMMIE. NOONE! FUCKING NOONE! but then on the next page his diary continued in just the same precise, controlled manner. The liaisons were dated, and went back years. Sometimes there were quite long gaps between them, sometimes only a couple of days.

  My heart was hammering. I didn’t want to carry on looking, but my fingers continued flicking through the pages as if by their own accord, until they stopped on the last entry.

  Name: Beth

  Appearance: –not a natural blonde, +eyes remind me of Sammie’s, –not like Sammie in any other way.

  Background: +just lost her job, –close relationship with dad and brothers.

  In bed: nothing special.

  Verdict: No.

  At that moment I heard a noise. I jumped and snapped the book closed, but it was too late. When I turned to look at the bed, my eyes immediately met Jay’s, staring right back at me.

  He was out of bed so quickly I barely had time to think. Instead I stayed where I was, blinking stupidly, holding the book in my hands. He snatched it away from me. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ he shouted into my face.

  ‘Nothing,’ I said, backing away, ‘nothing—’

  ‘This is private!’ he said, holding the book up, ‘private!’ He gave me a shove, ‘how did you find this?’ he asked me, ‘why were you going through my things?’

  ‘I just want my dress,’ I said.

  Jay glanced round at the bed, and he flashed me an unpleasant smile. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘yeah. I bet you do.’

  He made no move to go and get it and when I tried to get away from him he grabbed me. I stared at him in shock. I didn’t remember him being like this. I’d been drunk and upset but my judgement hadn’t been that clouded – I’d thought he was normal at least. Looking at his face frightened me. He didn’t even look the way I remembered. In the cold light of day his face was harsh, unkind, angry. His grip was hurting my arm. ‘Please,’ I said, trying to reason with him. ‘I’m going. Just let me get my dress.’

  ‘No.’

  I couldn’t hold my anger in any longer. ‘You stole my things!’ I shouted at him, ‘and that notebook, it’s sick! You should be ashamed—’

  ‘You what?’ he said, shaking me, ‘you little skank! You go through my stuff, then tell me I should be ashamed? What the hell were you looking for anyway?’

  An idea seemed to cross his mind, and all of a sudden he gave me shove so hard I staggered across the room towards his bed, while he quickly picked his jeans up from the floor and pulled them on, never taking his eyes from me. He took his wallet from one of the pockets and held it up. ‘Were you looking for this?’ he asked me. ‘Is this what you wanted? Cash? You want paying do you?’

  ‘Jay,’ I said slowly, ‘I… I’m sorry, about going through your stuff. I felt… I mean, I just wanted to go home. And yes, I was looking for money, but only enough for a taxi. I wasn’t meaning to pry, and I don’t want any trouble—’

  ‘Here,’ he said, throwing a few notes at me. ‘Here’s your money. It’s a fair bit less than the average rate, but you were a fair bit less good than the average shag.’

  I watched the notes flutter down to the floor at my feet.

  ‘Jay,’ I said again, ‘I really am…sorry if you feel I disrespected you. But you took my things. Let’s… let’s just say we’re even, and you can let me go home.’

  He pushed me towards the bed. ‘Sit down,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t want to. I just want to go home. Please—’

  ‘No,’ he said, ‘you’re not going anywhere. You were happy enough to be here last night. Now sit down.’

  I did as he asked, folding my arms across my body, while he picked up the little diary again and held it in front of me.

  ‘What do you think this is?’ he asked.

  I didn’t answer. I was beginning to shake.

  He took hold of my shoulder. ‘Tell me,’ he said. ‘You were so curious about it, so let’s talk about it. What do you think it is?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said.

  ‘You don’t know? You were reading it, weren’t you?’ He raised his voice, ‘How can you—’

  ‘It…it’s a list!’ I said quickly, desperate to calm him down. ‘A list of women you’ve slept with.’

  He threw the book down. ‘Wrong!’ he shouted, ‘try again.’

  ‘I… I… I don’t know. I really don’t know—’

  ‘They’re c
omparisons!’ he said, ‘can’t you read? I’m comparing them. To Sammie.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘Well?’ he said.

  ‘Well…what?’ I asked tentatively.

  ‘Ask me who Sammie is.’

  ‘Who… who’s Sammie?’

  ‘My girlfriend,’ he said. ‘I loved her, and she was stolen from me.’ He paused a moment then raised his voice again. ‘Stolen!’ he repeated.

  I looked up at him. His eyes were feverishly bright. Was there actually something wrong with him? I needed to be calm and think carefully before I opened my mouth, but it wasn’t easy to think.

  ‘You… you want to replace her?’ I said, then immediately regretted my choice of words as Jay took a step towards me. ‘Replace her,’ he said softly. ‘You think she’s replaceable, do you?’

  ‘I…’ I struggled for the right answer, ‘no,’ I said, ‘no… I… I guess not.’

  ‘You think I’d replace her with you?’

  ‘I… no,’ I said, ‘no.’

  ‘Good,’ he said, ‘I’m glad you realise that much.’ He laughed. ‘You!’ he said, ‘you’re not even fit to say her name.’ He laughed to himself again, and then abruptly moved on. ‘I’ve found my “replacement”,’ he told me. ‘Did you see? I found her last week.’

  I shook my head.

  He picked the book up. ‘See, you… you really were meaningless. I’ve already found the woman I want. I didn’t even care that much one way or the other if I got a shag off of you. That’s why I took your stuff. Never tried that before, but I figured either it would work really well or not at all, and I didn’t care that much one way or the other.’

  ‘Jay,’ I said, my voice much calmer than I felt. ‘I want to go home.’

  ‘Now this,’ he said, opening the book and holding it in front of me, ‘this is the girl for me: Felicity.’

  I read the notes on Felicity obediently, and then raised my eyes to his over the top of the page.

  ‘What do you think?’ he asked.

  ‘She sounds nice,’ I said, figuring it was what he wanted to hear. In reality, her notes were much like the others – disgusting comments divided into his chosen three categories. The only difference was she seemed to satisfy his criteria far better than any of the others, and many of his comments were glowing – his conclusions making him so excited that some of it was written in capitals with exclamation marks after.

  Jay put the book back down and watched me. ‘So, you want to go home?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Jay picked up my dress and held it in front of him, gripping it with both hands at the top.

  ‘No—’ I said, but it was too late. With a big ripping sound, he tore it in half.

  ‘That,’ he said, as I cried out in horror, ‘that’s what you get for prying into things that are none of your fucking business!’

  I got up and made a dash for the door, grabbing my bag as I went. I didn’t know what else to do but run. The stuff he was saying was crazy and he clearly had no intention of letting me leave anytime soon. I managed to get past him and out into the corridor, but he was straight after me, and I wasn’t even entirely sure where the stairs were to get out of the house. I ran right rather than left, because I hadn’t seen any stairs on my trip to the bathroom, and sure enough as I rounded the corner there they were in front of me. I dashed down so fast I was terrified I’d fall. His fingertips brushed my arm, so I ran even faster, down the last couple of steps and towards the front door.

  But it was never going to work. He caught me as I struggled to get the door open, and he pushed me up against it. ‘No, Beth,’ he said. ‘Come on. Don’t leave. Why don’t we have some more fun?’

  TWO WEEKS LATER

  I woke with a start. Every night since I’d been there I dreamt that I was waking up in Jay’s house again, and I’d relive every horrifying detail from the man I met coming out of the bathroom, to finding that dreadful diary, to my eventual escape. I don’t know how I managed to do it, but when he’d pushed me up against the door I’d shoved him away with all my strength, so hard it bought me a precious couple of seconds – enough to get the door open, and run out into the street, and away from him. He’d taken a couple of steps outside, but he hadn’t followed me. He’d let me go, simply going back inside and slamming the door behind him. Several seconds later it had opened again, and I nearly screamed when I heard the sound behind me, but when I turned he simply dropped my shoes and the remains of my dress onto the pavement and disappeared inside again. I waited a moment before collecting them, scared to go anywhere near, but finally I darted back towards the house and picked up my things, before making my way slowly down the street, my heart pounding so hard I could hear it.

  Sometimes I worry he’ll find me. What if he got my address from my driving licence when he’d stolen my things? Or maybe he’d got hold of my phone number? I look behind me frequently when I go out, half expecting to see him a few paces behind, or to find him waiting outside my flat, but I never do. I suppose it was never that likely. It was as he had said; he had no interest in me. I wasn’t the woman he had chosen, the one who was like his Sammie. My verdict had not been like hers, like Felicity’s. I feel terrified for her when I think of it, because I know she’ll be seeing Jay again. Her verdict hadn’t read “no”, or “waste of time”. Hers hadn’t even read “maybe” as a couple of others had. Beneath the description of her appearance, her background, what she was like in bed, had been a verdict I’d seen on no others, a verdict that sent a chill right through me. A verdict that said:

  Worth Pursuing.

  Read Felicity’s and Sammie’s story in Anything for Him, a chilling psychological thriller set two years on from Worth Pursuing.

  To Sammie, Jay is her first boyfriend; someone to be loved and adored, someone she is desperate to make happy.

  For Felicity, eleven years later, Jay is a distraction from the traumatic loss of her parents; her relationship with him uncomplicated, impulsive and mindless.

  Then Jay turns Felicity’s world upside down when he asks her to help him get revenge on a childhood friend; a friend he said destroyed his relationship with Sammie, and wrecked his life. But when Felicity agrees to Jay’s strange plan, she gradually begins to realise she’s treading a path that has been trodden by Sammie before her, as Jay becomes increasingly controlling and abusive, and she finds herself trapped.

  But what neither Felicity nor Sammie realise is that there has always been someone else in the background of Jay’s life, someone obsessed and dangerous, someone who they really shouldn’t turn to for help, because when it comes to Jay, this person will do anything for him.

  Reviews of Anything for Him

  "Chapman writes a concise, quick-paced, and dramatic woman-in-jeopardy story. She demonstrates a superb understanding of how women wind up with charming con artists who turn abusive"

  Kirkus Reviews

  "It was nearly impossible to put down this book and, even when finished, the story has stayed with me." Siobhan Quinlan for Readers’ Favorite

  "The Author. L.K. Chapman – What a great storyteller and so well written."

  Jen Kendell for mojomums.co.uk

  "Fresh plot twists all through the story and a major twist at the end that I never saw coming."

  Faridah Nassozi for Readers’ Favorite

  Anything for Him is the full length sequel toWorth Pursuing.

  For more information visit http://www.lkchapman.com

  Also by LK Chapman

  Too Good for this World

  Networked

  Anything for Him

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