Worth Pursuing Read online

  Worth Pursuing

  Worth Pursuing

  Midpoint

  Worth Pursuing

  LK Chapman

  Copyright 2016 LK Chapman

  Cover by LK Chapman

  Cover image by gremlin

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the copyright owner – except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  The characters, events and locations in Worth Pursuing are fictitious and any similarity to real people, events or locations is not intended by the author.

  THE MORNING AFTER

  I half-opened my eyes to pale, greyish light and groaned. My head felt like it was splitting, and my mouth was dry and furry. Not wanting to wake up, I squeezed my eyes closed again, willing myself to go back to sleep so that I could be spared from the discomfort. I rolled onto my side, and almost jumped out of my skin when I felt it – a leg, against my leg.

  My eyes snapped open, and for a moment all the sensations of my hangover were forgotten as I remembered why I was in this room, and then my nausea returned with a vengeance. All of a sudden the last thing I wanted was to go back to sleep. I wanted to get out – to slip away as quietly as I could, and to not have to talk to him. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I began to inch towards the edge of the bed, and then I swung my feet down to the floor and carefully slipped out from under the covers. The cold and slightly damp morning air made me shiver. I started looking around the room for my clothes, but my eyes were frequently drawn back to the figure still asleep in bed. It was difficult to see him clearly – he was lying on his front, the white duvet pulled halfway up over his head so all that showed was some messy light brown hair and an eyebrow. One of his feet was sticking out and as I watched he stirred a little, so I quickly resumed my search. I found my underwear easily enough and hurriedly put it on. But when I tiptoed round to his side of the bed in search of the rest of my things I noticed to my horror that my dress was hanging down from beneath his body. I gave it a tentative tug, but it didn’t budge.

  ‘Shit,’ I said under my breath, ‘shit, shit, shit.’

  I tried again, pulling as hard as I dared, but it was useless. He was lying right on top of it. I wanted to leave without having to face him, but I knew there was no way I’d be able to get my dress without waking him up. I stared down helplessly at his face, and his mouth twitched a little, almost like he was laughing.

  EIGHT HOURS AGO

  ‘So, what do you do?’ Jay asked me. I had to strain to hear him over the music. His mouth was near my ear, I could feel his breath on me.

  I thought about the news I’d just had earlier that day. I didn’t know how to answer.

  ‘What?’ he said, ‘what’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I told him. I took hold of his arm. ‘Come on, let’s—’

  ‘I feel like I’ve upset you,’ he said. He looked genuinely concerned. I let go of his arm and sighed. It would be easier just to tell him. ‘No,’ I said, ‘you haven’t upset me. It’s not... it’s not your fault.’

  ‘What isn’t?’ he pressed me.

  ‘I... I lost my job today. That’s all.’

  ‘Oh,’ he said. He put his hand over mine. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘I mean... no, not really.’

  ‘Do you... do you mind me asking... why?’

  ‘It wasn’t anything I did,’ I said, with a half-hearted smile. ‘I didn’t get fired, or anything. The place I work, it’s closing down.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  I looked round at him, and I thought – to hell with it. If he was surprised when I kissed him he gave no sign of it. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d been expecting it.

  …

  I decided to give up on my dress for the moment. My most urgent need was to find a bathroom, but I wasn’t about to go wandering around Jay’s house half naked. My eyes fell on his wardrobe. Although I wasn’t keen on the idea, I realised I’d have to wear something of his, for the next few minutes at least. Luckily when I opened it there was a stack of tops neatly folded on a shelf right in front of me, sparing me from having to go rummaging through his things. I took a grey cotton t-shirt from the top of the pile and pulled it over my head, hoping by the time I got back he might have rolled away from my dress.

  It was obvious as soon as I left his room that Jay lived in some sort of shared house, or perhaps even some sort of hostel. There were "no smoking" signs in the corridor, and an old blue carpet on the floor – the sort of hard-wearing carpet you’d normally find in a public space. I stood helplessly for a while, wondering where to go. There were doors in both directions, but nothing that was obviously a bathroom. Concluding that I had to make a move sooner or later I headed to my left, walking as fast as I could, my head down. Thankfully there was no sound from any of the other rooms and even better, when I rounded the corner I found a door with a little sign that said "bathroom". I sighed with relief and reached out for the handle, but before I could take hold of it the door opened, making me jump.

  I found myself facing a man dressed in blue jeans and a stained white t-shirt. He looked to be in his mid twenties, with hair so fair it was almost white, and his face still scarred from teenage acne. Although initially he was as surprised to come face to face with me as I was with him, he quickly recovered, and instead of moving out of the way and letting me through he looked at me for an unpleasantly long time and positioned himself in the way of the door with a smirk.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, gesturing at the door, ‘could I...’

  ‘Sure,’ he said. He stepped a little out of the way, but still not enough that I could get through. I felt a flash of anger, especially when I saw he was still smiling. He was laughing at me.

  ‘I need to use the bathroom,’ I said. I felt ridiculous now.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve seen you here before,’ he said.

  I glared at him. He still had that stupid look of amusement, though it hadn’t spread to his eyes, which were dull and hard. When he spoke he had an accent, but I couldn’t place it. I assumed he was one of the other residents of the house, and that embarrassing any women who ended up here was his way of entertaining himself.

  ‘Are you going to let me through or not?’ I asked.

  This time he did step aside, but he still hadn’t finished with me. ‘Let me guess,’ he said, ‘you’re one of Jay’s, right?’

  SEVEN HOURS AGO

  ‘Do you have family round here?’ Jay asked.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘my dad, and my two brothers—’

  I stopped as I noticed a flash of emotion in his face, as though he didn’t like what I’d said.

  ‘You close?’ he asked, an edge creeping into his voice.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘I see my younger brother nearly every day — hold on,’ I said suddenly, interrupting myself as I remembered. ‘My friends. Ellie and Sarah, I’d better go and—’

  Jay’s face softened again. He took his hand away from my thigh and reached up to my face. ‘They left,’ he said, ‘remember? They told you they were going on somewhere else.’

  I frowned. Had they said that? I had a vague memory of them coming over and saying something to me. Maybe they’d been trying to persuade me to go with them.

  ‘Oh,’ I said, with an uncertain laugh, ‘yeah, I forgot.’

  …

  I hesitated, even though I was desperate to get into the bathroom, and looked at the strange man who seemed so determined to upset me. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘So you are then?’ he said, �
�you are one of Jay’s.’

  I remained silent, and he nodded. ‘I can always tell,’ he said. ‘They’re all the same. Always blonde, always creeping round the house trying not to be seen.’

  I felt another rush of anger but I swallowed it back down. It wasn’t worth it. Whoever this guy was, he was clearly trying to wind me up. If I showed my anger, all I would have done was let him win. ‘I’m not listening to this,’ I said, and I pushed the bathroom door open.

  ‘He writes them all down,’ he said, ‘in a little diary.’

  ‘He... what?’ I said, so surprised I froze.

  ‘Ask him,’ he said, ‘if you’re lucky, maybe he’ll tell you what he’s going to write about you. Or maybe he’s already written it.’

  I glared at him. ‘Who are you?’ I said, ‘what’s this got to do with you?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘It’s got nothing to do with me at all.’

  ‘You got that right,’ I said, and immediately I felt ridiculous again.

  He gave me a sort of nod and half a smile, then he strode off without another backwards glance.

  SIX AND A HALF HOURS AGO

  ‘You remind me of someone,’ Jay said into my ear when we briefly stopping kissing.

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh yeah? Who?’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I don’t know why I said that.’

  ‘No, go on. You’ve said it now. Tell me who.’

  ‘It was a long time ago.’

  I watched him expectantly and he gave in, as though I’d backed him into a corner. But I had a feeling he’d wanted to say it all along.

  ‘It’s an ex-girlfriend,’ he said, ‘that’s why it was a stupid thing to say.’

  ‘She was like me?’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘and no. I mean, she’s long gone. But you... you’re right here.’

  …

  I stayed in the bathroom a lot longer than I needed to, not wanting to come out and wander down the corridor again in case the creepy guy was still there. I splashed cold water on my face and rinsed my mouth out, but I still felt exhausted and my stomach was churning. I wished I could remember the night before more clearly. I could recall brief snatches of the time I’d spent with Jay, but the details were fuzzy, and big chunks of time seemed unaccounted for. I kept thinking about this "diary" Jay supposedly had. Was I really supposed to believe Jay brought women back here so regularly that he wrote down notes about them? That he documented them? And why? What on earth for? It just sounded sick.

  Finally, I accepted I couldn’t stay in the bathroom any longer, and I resolved to go back to Jay’s room, get my dress and leave. Even if he was still lying on it and I was forced to wake him up, I had no choice. I wanted out of this weird house, and as soon as possible.

  I made my way quickly and quietly back down the corridor. It was simple; I just needed my dress, my shoes and my bag, then I could be out of there. I hesitated briefly before opening the door to Jay’s room – what if he’d woken up? My resolve wavered, but I told myself firmly that I needed to get on with it. I just had to deal with the situation in front of me – no matter how unpleasant – and then I could go home and forget about the whole thing. It was just a mistake. That was all. He’d been a silly mistake. I’d been caught off guard because I was upset about my job, and at the time being with him had made me feel better. I had nothing to be ashamed of, and I didn’t need to stay and make awkward conversation with him. It had just been sex. He’d understand that. In fact, he’d probably be glad I just wanted to leave. Feeling a little more confident, I took hold of the door handle, and turned it.

  Despite the pep talk I’d given myself I was so relieved to find Jay still asleep that I sagged against the wall for a second, taking deep gulps of air. Then I pulled myself together and tiptoed round to his side of the bed, but it didn’t take long to establish that he was still on top of my dress. I swore under my breath. I knew it had been a lot to hope for that he’d roll away from it while I was in the bathroom, but I’d hoped it none the less. Deciding to leave it until last, I found my shoes, and glanced around for my bag. His room was immaculately tidy and it didn’t take long to spot it. I picked it up, but immediately something seemed wrong. It was far too light. Then, with a heavy, sick feeling I remembered.

  SIX HOURS AGO

  ‘No,’ I said, as I looked around, ‘oh no.’

  ‘What’s up?’ he asked.

  ‘My bag,’ I said, ‘I’ve lost my bag...’

  Jay frowned. ‘I don’t remember you having one.’

  ‘No?’ I said. ‘Oh God, that means I must’ve lost it ages ago.’

  I had another look around the table, around mine and Jay’s feet, but there was nothing. Bending down to look at the floor made my head spin, and everything seemed blurred, even my thoughts. How many drinks had I had? I sat up again and slammed my hand on the table. ‘Shit,’ I said, then to my surprise I seemed to be crying.

  ‘Hey,’ Jay said, ‘don’t worry. Look, it’s got to be here somewhere, right? I’ll help you find it.’

  I looked around. There were people everywhere; and noise and confusion. Spotting a small black evening bag would be near impossible, and asking people if they’d seen it would be a waste of time. ‘No,’ I said, ‘no. There’s no point. It’s gone. It’s not like there was anything important in it,’ I added sarcastically, ‘just my money, phone, credit cards, house keys...’ I started crying again but I was too drunk to even care whether anyone was noticing the scene I was making.

  ‘Stay here,’ Jay said. He got up and walked off, and I stared after him, feeling suddenly very alone. ‘Come back,’ I said, ‘leave it, I...’ I gave up. He was already too far away to hear me.

  Five or so minutes later he was back, and to my amazement my bag was in his hand.

  ‘You found it!’ I said, and I was so relieved I stood up and hugged him. ‘Where was it—’

  He sat down and pulled me down next to him. Then he opened the bag and showed me the contents. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘It was like this when I found it.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, my joy evaporating. ‘Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!’

  I stared at it in horror, wondering what I should do. My house keys were still inside, but everything else was gone.

  Jay put his arm around me, ‘sorry,’ he said again. ‘Do you want me to ask at the bar…’

  ‘Fuck!’ I said again, ‘what am I going to do?’

  ‘Let me go and ask,’ he said.

  He left me on my own again, and when he came back he said it wasn’t good news. Nobody had given in my things. I looked again inside my bag, filled with angry disbelief. Then a thought struck me. If he didn’t remember seeing me with a bag, how had he found it so quickly when he didn’t even know what it looked like? I shook the idea away. He’d probably just seen it abandoned somewhere and known it must be mine.

  …

  I stood completely still for several seconds in the middle of Jay’s bedroom, staring at the empty bag and wondering what the hell I was going to do. I’d have to talk to Jay. I had no phone and no money. I didn’t really even know where I was. We’d walked back to his house in a daze. I didn’t remember it being a long walk, though I seemed to remember stopping once or twice, Jay pushing me up against a wall, his hands all over me. I’d liked it at the time – I’d liked it a lot – but when I looked at him now it just seemed surreal.

  An idea suddenly struck me. I didn’t exactly feel great about it, but it would get me out of my predicament. Jay’s jacket was hanging on the back of the door. Perhaps if I just had a quick look, I might find his wallet. I wouldn’t take much, only enough for a taxi home. I could see Jay’s phone on the windowsill, I could use it to call a taxi and then grab my dress at the last minute and get out of there.

  FIVE HOURS AGO

  ‘I don’t normally do this,’ Jay murmured to me. With one hand he was pushing my dress up, while with the other he was trying to unlock the door to his room. I couldn’t help but laugh.

 
; ‘What?’ he said, ‘what’s funny?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I slurred, ‘it’s just... seems…’ I struggled to string the words together, and eventually managed, ‘someone would only say that if they did it… all the time.’

  Jay watched me a moment, then abruptly he brought his hand up between my legs and watched my response, clearly pleased with himself when my breath caught in my throat and I made a little involuntary cry.

  ‘What can I say?’ he said, ‘maybe that’s why I’m so good at it.’ On the word "good" he managed to get the door unlocked and we half stumbled, half fell through it.

  …

  My heart was hammering as I gently lifted Jay’s leather jacket down from the hook on the back of the door. It felt pretty heavy, so I was sure there was something in the pockets. I quickly checked the two on the outside of the jacket, but found nothing. I glanced across at Jay. He was facing away from me, the duvet still half covering his head. I started to feel nervous. God knows what he’d say if he woke and found me going through his pockets. I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath, then I unzipped the inner pocket in the lining of the jacket.

  FIVE HOURS AGO

  To my embarrassment, I actually did fall once we got inside Jay’s room. Somehow my foot turned as we came through the door and I fell drunkenly to my knees, pulling Jay down with me.

  ‘Ow, fuck,’ I said, rubbing my ankle. But actually, it didn’t seem to hurt that much, and I started to laugh. I watched as Jay shed his jacket and his shirt. Then he started pushing me down onto the floor.

  …

  There were several things inside the pocket, and I pulled out the first thing I got hold of, which felt like a phone. I thought it was a little strange – his phone was on the windowsill, why would he have two? But I didn’t dwell on it. In fact, I didn’t really look at it straight away, until the colourful case caught my eye and then my mouth dropped open. This wasn’t his phone, it was mine.